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Ancient Skeleton Found Frozen In Ice Reportedly On Hold With Centrelink

21 February 2017
SBS comedy

Local authorities were shocked to discover that a pile of ancient human remains found in a shelf of ice and recovered today belong to an early human believed to have died while on hold to Centrelink, a call that remains on hold to this very day.
Those investigating the incident have claimed that they were surprised by the discovery:
“We knew wait times were bad,” one insider told The Backburner. “But this fella has been frozen for hundreds of years. Frankly, even if he has his debts sorted out his phone bill is going to be an absolute mess.

Man On Hold With Centrelink For 6 Hours Relieved To Hear System Actually Working Perfectly

11 January 2017
SBS The Backburner

A man who has been sitting on hold with Centrelink for the past six hours attempting to address a $6,000 debt that had automatically been assigned to him is reportedly relieved to hear Social Services Minister Alan Tudge say that the system is working exactly as expected.

Here's The Lowdown On The Centrelink Debt Crackdown Shitstorm

3 January 2017
Pedestrian Daily

The minister in charge of this nightmare, Alan Tudge, is currently enjoying an extended Christmas break. In his absence, Social Services Minister Christian Porter has appeared on the ABC and claimed that the system is actually working extremely well, and that they have received a low number of complaints for the 169,000 letters that were sent out last month.

"These are not debt letters," he told the ABC. "They are polite letters, the initial letter that goes to the welfare recipient saying that an issue has arisen, that there may be a discrepancy and we require some further information."

So what's actually going on, where are these letters coming from, and what the hell should you do if you've got one?